Monday, May 26, 2008


Hello. I'm Hipster Boy. Here's the story of an encounter that happened to me pretty recently.

My boy Dan drove me over to this house around Culver City last Saturday after a quick Amoeba run, (Wowee Zowee vinyl for $10? Fuck yeah.) tellin’ me about this girl that lived there with a guy that “I would just fucking love.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I told him. My mind wasn’t on the chick but on a fresh fag (cigarette, for the uninformed) and my latest treasure.

We pulled up to a shitty little apartment around 3 and Dan let himself in like he owned the place. The scent of Menthols and homemade pizza with veggie chicken on it drew me in, and before I knew it I was on a couch with Dan and some other guy who had just booked his band a show at Whiskey named Jason.

The living room floor was covered with torn carpet and a few fliers for APW as Dan took one of my fags and Jason nabbed a torrent of “Narrow Stairs” on his Macbook.

“Where’s the fucking chick?” I asked Dan after a few minutes of vinyl inspection.

“In the shower, relax.”

At that moment, the bathroom door opened down the hall. I took a quick glance over with Tigermilk between my fingers and out came a pasty figure with a towel around its body.

“That her?” I nudged Dan.

He watched with me as the figure strolled to a bedroom and slammed the door behind it.

“I think so.”

I sat back with newfound anticipation and anxiety, running fingers through my hair and shaking my head around to make sure I looked good. Aside from a pizza stain on my Free Kitten shirt I had made on CafePress, I looked alright.

Within a few minutes the figure had emerged from the room and walked into the living room.

“Karen,” Dan whispered to me.

What a woman Karen was.

She stood before me like a goddess floating down from the heavens, with dark red hair that rested on her bare shoulders. Her skin was terrifically pale and was complimented by the dark Crystal Castles shirt that barely reached the PE shorts she wore, presenting her smooth thighs to me. She looked like Casper about to run the mile, except beautiful.

“Hey,” she said with a pizza slice in hand.

“Oh, uh…hey,” I muttered.

“Impressive collection Jason’s got, yeah?”

I looked down at Tigermilk again and back at her.

“Oh yeah, it’s pretty good. Great shit in here.”

“Mine’s better. Wanna see?” She dropped the slice and gave me a smile.

“Yeah! Yeah, for sure.”

She started towards the hall and I gave Dan a quick glance before I got up and followed after her. He mouthed “FUCK HER” to me.

I couldn’t resist eyeing her body as she moved carelessly in front of me. She was built like a sexy rectangle, almost mimicking my walk exactly.

We made our way into her room, the menthol scent suddenly becoming stronger as she took a seat on the futon, motioning for me to sit next to her. I sank in and sighed nervously as she pulled out an old crate from behind the futon, resting it on my lap. I cringed in pain as my already suffocated balls took a hit, but played it off as a cough.

Her collection was good. It wasn’t anything like mine, but she had the usual shit and then some. I was mildly impressed until she stood and reached behind a cabinet.

“This,” she whispered with her back turned, “is my most prized possession. I stole it from a guy I dated when I was 15 after one of his roommates had drawn dicks on his passed out body.”

She turned around slowly and held a diamond in her hands, and by diamond, I mean a sealed vinyl of “Slanted and Enchanted.”

I took a sharp breath and stood up without thinking, walking closer and holding hands at my side.

“O…Original issue?” I managed to say.

“Original fucking issue.”

I said nothing and stared at the beauty of it, eventually moving my eyes to hers, which had already been on me.

The silence continued as I took a heavy breath, feeling my dick attempting to harden under my jeans without success.

She made the first move and jumped towards me, placing a rough kiss on my lips as she pushed me back onto the futon, vinyl still in hand.

Her breath was pizza-y and so was mine, and the shirt that once covered her middle school chest had suddenly disappeared. Her hand reached down and grabbed my crotch roughly, causing me to let out a squeal as she unzipped my jeans quickly and yanked them down past my hips after a couple of minutes of struggling.

“How bad do you want me?” she sexily muttered, bringing down her PE shorts and Organic Baby Rib Thong.

“I’ve wanted you so bad from the second I saw how pale you were,” I managed to get out between kissing her bony neckline.

She smirked and straddled me with the force of an intense fucking moshpit, gently setting down the vinyl to the side as we started to fuck like the both of us never had before. Her hair whipped me in the face as she tossed around in ecstasy, my own hair falling in my face and requiring a couple quick whips of my own to see the sexy expressions she made. She pressed her chest against mine and smiled through a loud moan as our bodies created a perfectly flat surface, my hands roaming around her sharp and bony waist. I lasted the length of “Chesley's Little Wrists” and fell back onto the futon, bringing her with me. Our sticky, sweaty bodies breathed heavily against each others as she kissed my lips again, slowly and gently. We both smiled at each other as Jason’s torrent had apparently finished, the first track off of “Narrow Stairs” pouring from the Macbook’s tinny speakers.

It wasn’t very good, just like I had expected.

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